Think it’s Hard to Be a Parent of a Child with an ASD? Here’s One Way to Make it Easier

by Andrea Anderson on June 29, 2013

Serenity

If you answered “YES”  you are not alone.  It can be hard.  And it can feel anything but simple.  Well, it can be simple, but we- us parents along with our kids complicate things with our emotions, reactions and thoughts.

We as parents actually complicate things when we think something is hard.  We get what we think.

I thought for a long time, when my sons wouldn’t listen, and I was even being physically hurt, that this whole parenting a child with an ASD is really hard and I didn’t know what the frick to do!  I kept saying things like- “this is so hard and I don’t know what to do.”

When I stopped thinking this was so hard, I noticed things seemed to go more smoothly and began to seem easier.

Think about it.  When your child is not acting up, you think, wow- things feel good, it’s actually getting easier.  I think I might be on the right track.

And, you get a little more of what you think, more ease, and listening from your child.

The moment something goes wrong with your child you immediately get upset, start telling yourself the same old story -this is hard, and so, it feels hard and the whole little situation gets turned into a big problem for your child and you and many times for the whole family.

See, when you begin to see what your child does as something little and not indicative of a big problem or something so hard to deal with, you actually begin to relax when your child starts to act up.  When you relax, you begin to take the edge off the situation.  You have a better chance of remaining calm through whatever your child is doing.

If for some reason you still get caught up in reacting to your child, notice yourself, and instead of thinking “Oh man, here we go again, this is so hard, why does this keep happening?”  Try just saying, “Ok, that happened, I didn’t like it and we’re going to talk about or figure out how to do this differently.”

In the meanwhile, you take on the attitude, that it’s ok to have the shit hit the fan, it’s ok.  It’s nothing you have to be afraid of.  And, you want to start training your brain and thoughts to the idea that this is something little and much easier to move past than you thought.

Start noticing your child is not a monster, but someone who is confused, sad and upset and really is just asking for your attention and love. They need your guidance and support because sometimes they have a tricky time telling you with their words instead of their actions!

Notice that your thoughts about them and what they’re doing either help the situation escalate or decrease.  We choose the path we go down and quite frankly, we start down whatever path we choose based on what thoughts we are thinking:

Here we go again, Johnny is doing it again, freaking out- this parenting thing is so stinkin’ hard!

Or same scenario- different thought:  Ok, Johnny’s having a really hard time, and no way is it ok what he’s doing, I won’t condone it, but, (deep breath) we’re going to figure this out.  He’s obviously bothered by something… Not sure what… Alright, we can do this.  I’m not going to take his freak out personally, we’re going to do this. Things will get better.

You feel calmer and more in control when you can take on the second way of thinking.  The situation with your child dissipates more rapidly when you take on the 2nd way of thinking.  You allow yourself to be open to new ways to resolve or improve Johnny’s freaks outs when you think like this.

And, when you remain open the new ways to help Johnny come.  They come in the form of an aquaintence telling you about a great counselor, or a new behavior approach to use or maybe it’s a certain food you learn your child is sensitive to and by removing it from their diet they calm down.  Eventually these ideas will show up and when they do you actually begin to feel better and your child’s freak outs begin to decrease.  Parenting does actually get easier.

All because you stopped thinking it was so hard and allowed yourself to think better thoughts, thoughts that allowed you to attract more ease into your child’s life and yours too!

Blessings to you on this journey with your child -it can get easier, it will get easier- really!

In support of your efforts and love for your child,

Andrea!

PS  Do you want to begin making things much easier for you and your child with an ASD?  You can.  It is possible.  Take it from me, I’ve shifted so much with my sons.  Click here to get my Free Audio sharing the top 3 things I had to do to help begin healing my sons of autism.

PPS Tell us about how you handle freak outs with your child and what thoughts have really helped you move through things more easily!  Thanks for sharing ladies!! Post any thoughts and ideas below!

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