My family and I recently travelled to Niagra Falls, Canada.

This photo is one I took while on our trip.

And, while this pic. looks pretty cool in and of itself.  It actually has a whole story behind it.

See, had I not decided to follow through on an urge I had to travel back to Niagra Falls, I wouldn’t have gotten this cool photo nor would I have seen the Falls on a sunny day.

BTW, we visited the Falls when we first arrived in Canada, however it was raining and cloudy and we didn’t have much of a view on that particular day.

However, on our last day in Canada, when we had planned on going to just one more tourist attraction (the CN Tower) and driving back home – (10 hours), we awoke to a bright sunny day.

And, my husband and I agreed, we wanted to see Niagra Falls again. And, we’d therefore fit it into our schedule.

Guess what?

Neither of my sons were too psyched with this idea.

As a matter of fact, they were ticked off with this idea.

They wanted to go HOME, it was 10 hours of driving and we were already fitting in one activity before we’d be leaving Canada. (Let alone two!)

They were concerned with getting home so late.

Often I try to honor what everyone wants. After all, we’re all individuals with individual needs and interests.

And, at the same time, we’re a family unit.

And, sometimes people in the family might not get exactly what they want this time.

But in the process, can learn flexibility and how to go with the flow.

So, needless to say, we travelled back to Niagra Falls and had what turned out to be a magnificent view of the Falls.

For me it was mesmerizing.

Even with my son complaining in my right ear about how he wanted to go, I managed to tune him out.  I had addressed him one too many times for my comfort level and knew addressing him again wouldn’t change his view or mine, so I just let it go.  I ignored him.  Not out of abandonment, but, out of and internal desire to feel good.

To enjoy this moment.

To really take it in and feel some goodness from it.

Instead of allowing myself to be a victim to circumstances beyond my control in those moments.

And, I mostly met with success.

For a few minutes I felt good.

I dropped my story of “How can my sons be acting this way after such a cool trip…and blah, blah…” getting into my own personal woes me story of how they weren’t appreciating or accommodating us as parents….

I say blah, blah, blah because this is a parental way of being a victim.

Telling the “woes me story”, my kid is doing this or that, you fill in the blank with whatever action or non-action your kid is doing that has you feeling bad about yourself or your place in life.

This story is a sure way to keep you stuck.

To keep you repeating the same cycle of them doing shit you don’t like and you reacting to it with heaviness, sadness, anger or sometimes even depression.

Been through all of it myself.

And, every now and then dip my toe into “Woes me again”, and now tend to more quickly catch myself and realize this is a BS story.

One that leads to feeling crappy.

And, one that holds me back.

And helps my family to stay stuck.

So I find it much more freeing to let that crappy story go.

So, in those few moments as I stood before the Falls on a bright sunny day, I ignored my son. (One son btw, had let go of complaining by the time we reached the Falls, he saw it was futile and decided to relax.) However the other son was holding on strong and held fast to wanting to get the heck out of there.

So, as I was saying, I stood in front of the Falls, leaned against the fence and watched the water. I really took in the landscape before me. And of course, I just had to take several photos.

I started to get a little excited with the rainbows that emerged.

I took more photos and watched the water again.

No, my son didn’t give up.

Not fully anyway.

He grew slightly quieter, a little less complaining, but would whisper every now and then, “Lets go.”

We didn’t leave until I felt full. Content. More at peace.

Then, we left.

I felt better as we left. After all, we just saw one of the 7 wonders of the world, and it was a spectacular day with rainbows and all.

Then, we made our way back to the car.

And, annoyance crept out of my son.

And, I allowed myself to take it personally.

Ugh.

That means I went back into “Woes me story”.  You know the, “How could he do this story…”

Sh*t, I hate when I do that.

Go from a great moment, even bypass crap going on around me and then, boom, right back into crap again.

What’s up with that?

However, as we got in the car and drove back into the US, everyone in the car settled down.

I had time to process and let go.

And, I had a mini revelation.

Nothing I hadn’t thought of before.

Just something I hadn’t been thinking of and feeling in a while.

I realized, (get ready for this one)… I realized “So what??!!”

Yup.

So what?!

What do I mean by this?

I mean, so what my kids were acting in a way I wasn’t proud of or felt good about.

So what we had different ideas about what to do and not to do on our last day in Canada.

So what I thought my kids were “pain in the butts.”

So what things didn’t go perfectly.

So what I didn’t have peace and quiet when I went to the Falls so I could REALLY appreciate it.

So what things didn’t go the way I ideally would have liked?!

So the “F” what?!!!

The more I remembered “So what”, the more my body +  brain felt relief.

I began to detach from my woes me story and aligned back into a place of feeling comfortable and more powerful again.

It’s always empowering to remember we’re NOT victims.

And that we always have a choice.

To take things personally, attach to a story that doesn’t feel good.

Or realize we don’t like the situation, and then do what we can to step out of it, as much as we are able to in the moment.

And to view the story as a passing situation.  One we didn’t like, but, one that is NOT that BIG of a deal.

That’s the clincher.

The less of a deal we make of something, the quicker it passes.

And the quicker we can align with better feelings and better circumstances.

We can’t ever have something that feels wonderful and great with ourselves and our kids if we constantly focus on what they do “wrong” or we feel bad for ourselves.

So, if you’re able, try softening your thoughts the next time you find yourself taking something personally and starting to go into “woes me” over something your kids have done.

Softening means finding ways to see and feel the situation with the stance of “So what?!”

I assure you, when you find this feeling, you will be on track for feeling better, and creating and living from a more powerful place.

A place that points you in the direction of what you want for you. And your family.

Blessings!

And remember, I’ve got your back if you get stuck trying to feel “So What”!!!

xo,

Andrea

PS As I said, shifting into “So what” can be tricky, I won’t kid you.  But, it’s possible.

If you find yourself wanting help in this arena I have a couple of avenues of support for you.

One– My book.  Either grab a copy for yourself here.  Or grab the first 2 chapters for free here.

Two- Email me to schedule a Finding Relief Strategy Session.  It’ a 50 min. session where we’ll address your main concerns for your child and yourself.  You’ll walk away with next steps and a plan to begin shifting out of “woes me” mode and into feeling empowered and taking specific aligned actions (that I map out for you) that open up space for better experiences for you and your kids.

For those who resonate, I look forward to connecting!

And, as always, Rock ON!!!

=)

Andrea

Andrea@Ihealedmysons.com

Family photo at the Falls- Can you guess who might not want to be there?

 

I was jogging yesterday and my bra strap came undone.  One strap detached completely from my bra.

I then found myself continuing to jog because I knew I wanted to keep moving AND the last time this happened I had to hide behind bushes and take my shirt off to fix it.

I wasn’t in the mood to take my shirt off and besides, I wasn’t seeing a good spot to do so, that felt private enough.

So, I had a choice, keep jogging and ignore the strap or keep trying to fix it as I jogged.

Here’s the the thing:

Jogging is something I do often to relax myself. To clear my thinking, to reset my thinking, to refocus on what feels good instead of being caught up in distracting thoughts that can weigh me down.

So, by trying to fix my bra for several minutes, I was not focused at all on focusing my thoughts on things that felt good. On looking around at nature. At feeling how nice the day felt- the light breeze, the warmth…

I then realized this was a perfect example of what I’d been doing with my thinking lately.

I was choosing to focus on “fixing something” taking care of something.  Getting cr@p done. And I was focusing on things I didn’t like.

And, in doing so, I wasn’t feeling as good.

My energy was ok, but, I was beginning to act annoyed with people around me- especially my family.

Sure, they were doing things I didn’t like, but, truth be told, when I focus my thinking on things that feel good, relax myself into alignment, then when my family does things I don’t like, I can take a step back and see things differently.

I can see that whatever is happening is not that big of a deal.

I understand often why it’s happening and I can bypass drama. (not always, but often, definitely more often than when I’m slightly stressed!)

So, my bra strap coming undone showed me a glimpse of how I’d been temporarily showing up in my life.

Distracted by something that I thought needed to be taken care of, changed, fixed.

So, I let go.

I let one bra strap be completely disconnected from my bra while one breast hung lower and flapped under my t-shirt while I jogged.

And, at first it was distracting. It felt goofy.  I didn’t like it.

Then, I forgot about it.

I began to look around. Take in nature and the trees.

I started to think about things that helped to raise my energy and vibration. I began thinking about things that felt better to focus on.

I ended the jog with my regular stretches having forgotten about the detached bra strap and the uncomfortableness of having only one breast supported.

Why do I share this?

Because we ALL have times when we can focus on what’s in front of us that doesn’t feel good and it’s real easy to keep our focus there.

Be it kids or teens that are having difficulties.

You and your partner or spouse having a tricky time parenting.

You feeling cruddy.

Whatever it may be, it’s easy to let the thing that’s right in front of you distract you and take all or most of your attention.

However, when you do this, you give this situation more power. More energy.

And, it grows.

It grows into something that feels harder to move past.

It grows into something that feels worse.

And, quite often becomes worse.

So what do you do when you have something you don’t like that’s happening with your kids or yourself, and it’s undeniably happening day in and day out- or at least quite often?

You try your damnedest to look past it.

You pull out ALL of your focus and start looking at other things that feel better.

You focus your thinking on what is good right now. Things that bring you relief.

Things that feel better to think about.

Things that feel better to do.

I could have spent my entire time jogging focusing on my stupid uncomfortable bra strap and flapping breast, and I wouldn’t have noticed anything that was good around me.

And I would have wasted my entire jog fixated on the problem- my detached bra strap and trying to fix it.

By not focusing on it, I felt better.

Completely better.

The situation hadn’t change.

Just my focus had.

And, as a consequence, I felt pretty darn good after jogging.

And, because I felt good, when I then sat down to work for the day, things flowed well.

When I interacted with my kids, I felt pretty good and treated them accordingly.

When we feel good we align with people and situations that feel pretty good.

When we feel bad, we align with people and things that feel pretty bad.

So, when you have a situation that feels troublesome and keep most of your attention on it, you actually call more crappy emotions in, and you’re feeding it more fuel to grow.

To grow into a bigger problem.

So, if you’re willing, why not experiment with looking the other way.

Focusing on something that feels better.

It doesn’t mean you never address what’s happening that you don’t like.

It just means you address it later- or perhaps MUCH later, when you feel good and higher level, inspiring ideas come to you to act on.

After all, any idea that comes to you when you feel frustrated or upset are ideas that will weigh you down more and tend to complicate your life and often the situation you’re seeking to move past.

So, my wonderful moms who love their kids to the sun and back, why not try NOT focusing on the “issues” and specifically refocusing on things that feel better?

I promise your life and your kids’ lives will only benefit significantly from this!

Yes, I promise.

But don’t take my word for it.

See for yourself.

Have fun, feeling good!

Blessings + Rock on!

xo,

Andrea

PS Lets talk about possibilities.  The possibility that you can feel better and your kids can be doing great!  If this sounds intriguing and you’re cool with an unconventional approach to helping this happen, then you just might like my book, it may really help you in this area. You can grab a copy here. (Scroll down to the bottom of the page)  Or, download the first two chapters for free to check it out!

=)