Acceptance (Of Our Kids + Ourselves)

by Andrea Anderson on February 19, 2015

Family+IBoston

My oldest son Forrest was just watching a movie. St. Vincent. If you haven’t seen it, it’s the movie where Bill Murray plays an old Vietnam vet who’s cranky, doesn’t much care for other people and others don’t seem to like him either. I watched only a smidgen of the movie, but from what I could gather, a young boy chooses to nominate Bill Murray as a modern day Saint (He’s required as a school project to find someone in his community to nominate).

At any rate, the boy spends lots of time with Bill, asking him lots of questions, getting to know him pretty well, visiting with him in the hospital after he took ill, etc… They grow closer and the boy finds all sorts of beautiful attributes about Bill that he respects and admires.

Why do I bring this up?

Because, nobody I know would consider themselves worthy of being appointed a modern day saint. And yet, so many parents (especially moms) tend to hold themselves and their kids to such high standards.

Ok, maybe not sainthood, but still, very high standards.

We forget to have grace for ourselves + our children. Actually, it can be easier to have grace for our kids, forgiving them more easily. For ourselves, huh, very different story.

If we yell or have a fit, we reflect, feel bad and can berate ourselves. (Unhelpful).

If we say the “wrong thing” we can jump all over ourselves. (No, not necessary).

And then comes the guilt and shame. For not doing what we thought (in hindsight) would be the best thing to do for our kids.

No, no, no.

This won’t work any longer.

Continuing to judge yourself for doing things “wrong” with your kids is not helpful and will hold you and your kids back from true growth, real evolution past the issues and concerns that continuously come up for you.

The Truth is: you are NOT wrong or bad, nor are your kids.

You + your kids are both perfect whole and complete just the way you are. And, quite honestly, everything you have done and haven’t done is perfect.

You are where you are and they are where they are- “crazy” behaviors, yelling, crying, calm, happy, and all the in-betweens. It’s all ok. It’s all perfect.

It’s high time you see yourself and your kids as perfect.

If you don’t, you become a magnet for perpetuating + recreating the same problems you’re trying to move past.

You can’t move past something and shame yourself or your kids for doing it.

If you can, begin to allow it to be what it is.

This doesn’t mean you condone everything, it just means you look at it from the angle of “Hey, it’s ok. He’s still ok for doing this. I’m ok for doing this and I don’t need to fix this, just let go of my attachment (in my thoughts) to having him or I be perfect.”

And, the things I really don’t want to tolerate, I’ll let them know and yet still accept them for it. I’ll allow it to be what it is. Ok.

If you sincerely follow this, in time, you’ll notice things shifting in the direction of what you want for yourself and your kids.

Over time, if any additional action is necessary, (using different words to help your kids, trying a different essential oil or incorporating new foods into their meals), this will make itself known and clear to you as your next step to take to help them (and you).

How will you know when to take additional action? First and foremost, it’ll feel “right” to do so.

Next, you may experience a reoccurring thought in your mind. Or, as you go about your week, you may hear this idea pop up in different forms- a friend just happens to be talking about it, you happen to pick up a book at the book store and lo and behold it’s on the same idea you were mulling over. These can often be indicators that this new idea you were mulling over is a good next step for you and your kids.

In the meantime, as this happens, take this action (whatever action you resonate with) and couple it with more acceptance for your kids and yourself.

My beautiful friends, when you do this- you as a family will be unstoppable. Your growth will accelerate and there’s a good chance you’ll find your daily living to feel easier. Possibly even nicer.

***Keep in mind though, only take actions that you resonate with. If you don’t, then that particular action is not for you or your kids- perhaps perfect for someone else, but just not you.

Oh, and that whole Bill Murray sainthood thing- well, he just reminds me that we can be exactly the way we are- cranky at times, aloof, slouchy and miserable and STILL have LOTS of redeeming qualities that make us wonderful. Allow the authentic “junk” to surface and show itself to you and your kids and douse it with more acceptance, then watch your garden of love and much better feelings (and interactions) emerge.

Sending you love as you continue to have life feel even easier for you and your family!

Blessings,

Andrea

PS My approach to helping kids + families is a bit unconventional (deep at times + actually fun, other times…) If what I’ve shared resonates with you in anyway, you may find my book a helpful tool for improving your kid’s ADD, ADHD or autism.  Click here to have a look if you like.

PPS The photo above is my family + I having fun in Boston.

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Whipcream

I just ate a plate of whip cream.  It was good!  Creamy + sweet…mm, mm….

What’s so cool about this?

That I allowed myself to follow through on a DESIRE I had.  I could have told myself NO.  Not healthy.

I could have told myself, this isn’t a good idea, you haven’t eaten dinner yet + besides do you really need a plate of whip cream Andrea?

The answer to that is NO.  I didn’t need a plate of whip cream- I just felt like a plate of whip cream would be fun + delicious.

After eating this plate of whip cream I felt full and satisfied.  I listened to my desire and I was therefore appeased.

My interactions with my family were calm + comfortable as a result.  I felt happy.  Happy to follow through with something I wanted.

This feeling of satisfaction and comfortableness then creates an energy in your life that begins to permeate your family life + affects your kids- eventually affecting their wellbeing too.

Denying yourself things + experiences you desire leads to crankiness, even anger + resentment.  This we all know doesn’t feel so good, for us or our kids.

If you want something different and better for yourself + your kids for 2015 start with identifying your DESIRES- your TRUE desires.

Not what you think you should have or should do, but start with how do you want to feel?  

Happy.  Free.  Relaxed.  Connected.  Content with yourself.  Content with your life. Content with your kids.

Once you become clear how you want to feel for 2015, then think about 3-5 things you truly desire to experience in 2015 and list these as your 2015 intentions.

My family + I will be sitting down over the next couple of days and will be talking about what went well for 2014 + then writing down how we want to feel + what we desire for ourselves for 2015.

To aid the process of  creating new + refreshed circumstances in your life, setting intentions- writing them down, speaking them out loud- both of these steps really help.

What is it you DESIRE for 2015?

When you make your desires a priority in your life, instead of a guilty pleasure, you begin to create a ripple effect of powerful change in you + your family’s life.  

Go for it!  You and your family deserve the BEST!

Wishing you fun as you follow your DESIRES!

xo,

 

Andrea

PS  Want to know how else you can create more of what you really want for your kids, their wellbeing + yours too?  My book (if I do say so myself) contains some pretty cool ideas that I used to help heal my sons of autism spectrum disorders.

Click here if you want to check it out.