How to Accept Where Your Kids Are At, Before You Move onto MORE

by Andrea Anderson on September 21, 2017

If you’re human like the rest of us and I’m pretty certain you are if you’re reading this… Your kids engage in behaviors that can sometimes bug the cr@p out of you.

Yup.  We’ve ALL experienced these feelings.

Well, if you’re ready to take the edge off of some of those feelings, here’s something I’ve done to help myself in this same arena.

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Super quick exercise:

Think to yourself right now, what are one or two things that your kids do that irritate you?

Now, think to yourself, where do you do the same thing?

Look closely, the more honest you are with yourself, you’ll find it!

Now comes the part where you begin to cultivate more compassion. Allow yourself to see where this behavior has been helpful.  Try to think of at least two examples.  Apply this toward yourself and your kids.

When you start noticing that you do all the same things you judge your kids for, you begin to be more understanding.

When you start to notice that these behaviors can be helpful, you begin to judge less and feel more acceptance for what is.

Knowing full well it can be tricky to view your child’s “poor behavior” as helpful, allow me to share some examples of my own, (when my sons haven’t listened to me.)

First came anger and frustration, I felt ignored.

I looked closer and realized, when I demand something instead of asking kindly, my kids can ignore me as a way of saying, “Hey, you can’t talk to me that way, I deserve respect.”

I smile because I want them to expect respect from me, other family members, friends, everyone.  Yes, ignoring me was their way of helping me to learn to be kinder and more respectful to them.

I continue to look for ways that being ignored can actually be viewed as helpful.

I remember that leaders don’t listen to what others say and do, they follow what feels right to them.  I smile knowing I’d prefer for my sons to lead rather than follow.

Hmm, where else can not listening be a good thing?

When I think if teenagers who succumb to peer pressure and do things just to fit in.

I smile thinking I like the thought of my sons following what’s in their hearts not what everyone else is doing.

I begin to see the positive aspect of not listening.  It doesn’t mean I condone not being listened to, it just means I get clear when it’s important to be listened to and when it’s actually a good thing that I wasn’t.

Now (if you’re willing), it’s your turn.  See where you can find the helpful aspects of behaviors that appear to be negative.

Excerpt from Page 60-61 in my book:  I Healed My Sons of Autism & You Can Too: The 7 Keys to Clearing Your Child of ADHD & Autism Naturally

Here’s to seeing the “Truth”, whether our kids listen to us or not, they are really quite awesome already!

Peace,

Andrea

PS If you’re looking for a resource tool for holistic ways you can help your kid evolve from ADD, ADHD, learning challenges, anxiety or autism, I’ve got a pretty cool book for ya.  Feel free to download the first 2 chapters for free here.  Or if you’re ready to read the whole book, here’s a link to grab one for yourself.

It was a semi typical Saturday afternoon, I was picking up the house listening to upbeat music.  I found myself dancing and daydreaming while my hands busied themselves with organizing.

I was inspired to play a particular song that popped in my mind.  I thought to myself, hey “that song” was always fun to listen to (when I was in my 20’s) I’d love to hear it again.

So, I listened and danced.  And, then found myself replaying the song, partially due to laziness -not sure what else I wanted to listen to, and I was finding this song a blast to dance to.

As I listened beyond the rhythm, I finally heard the words.

And, I smiled.  How I remembered being that younger version of me doing exactly what the lead singer found himself doing in the song.

Feeling stuck. Not able to let go of someone (or something) that was not serving him.  And taking the approach of clinging, dwelling and hoping that things would work out.

In this case, it was about clinging to a person and the idea of a relationship.

Yup. Been there, done that. Feeling needy, thinking he is “the one”.  How can I get him to like me more…

I began to smile as I remembered my younger self and how invested I was in this particular relationship. Even when things went south (translation- pretty damn shitty) I clung on, hoping he’d still like me, hoping it would work out.

I smiled because now, being far removed from that situation and having lived a lot more life, I know I never really needed to cling.  I could have walked away and spent my time with someone else.  Or no one else.  I would have been happier.  However, I chose to cling.  And cling I did for many years.

Until one day, I realized I no longer wanted to cling.  I wanted to move on and do something else.  I wanted to feel good.  I wanted more for myself.  I was done.  Not in a mean-hearted sort of way, but, in a “I’m all set now” sort of way.  It all felt matter-of-fact.

I finally got it.  I finally felt it.

We can’t move on from something and step into something better if we’re still clinging to what was or trying to make something that isn’t the way we like it, different, to meet our needs and make us happy.

We must first be ready to LET GO.

Let go of clinging.

Let go of complaining.

Let go of being a victim.

Let go of being the burdened one.

And, he, she or they the “bad” ones.

Let go of needing them to show up a certain way to make us happy.

Just ready to let go of ALL of It.

To realize and feel that it’s all ok.  What happened or what is, is fine, but, you want more now.

You may be thinking I’m still referring to a relationship.  Certainly this is applicable there.  However, this also applies to your kids.

How or where are you clinging to them being a certain way.  Acting a certain way and wishing perhaps they didn’t have anxiety, ADD, ADHD or autism.

Yes, I’ve done this myself.  There have been times when I wished for something much easier for my kids.  That desire is helpful and good.  So, I don’t mean to down play it.

What I’m talking about here is clinging.  There is desire:  Oh I wish with all of my heart for my sons’ lives to be easier and smooth.  For learning to be comfortable and smooth.  For all of us to get along really well.

Then there is, complaining, clinging to woes me, he or she is doing “it” again.  (Fill in the blank with whatever behavior sets you off or scares you!)

It’s the sad, depressed, I’m a victim energy that keeps you clinging to a story that doesn’t help you or your kids.

This energy kept me in a fairly crappy relationship for several of my younger years.  And kept me toggling in and out of progress with my sons.

Point:

When you feel the feelings of: I want more for my child or teen, I can accept where they are, hey, they have XYZ label, I don’t love it, but it’s ok.  And, I’m ready.  Something in me has stirred and I’m ready to help them move onto more.  Something better.

When you feel this, it’s your cue to move on.  It’s your cue you’re finally ready to move on.

You have officially Let Go.

And, Letting Go is where the magic happens.

Your life, their lives, start to feel better.

Ideas come to you that help them (and you). People show up with answers and information for you.  Important books grab your attention. You find strategies and “remedies” that you strongly resonate with and it all comes to you easily and comfortably.

And, as you take action and apply these ideas, strategies, etc, you notice things beginning to fall into place for your kids and yes, you too.

So, you can be like me and cling, as I have done in the past and to be honest, sometimes in the present (until I notice and catch myself) or you can jump right in now and notice where you’re at, and… begin to Let Go now.

As I said, it’s where the magic is at.

Who’s in?

I am?

Want to join me???

Hey, perhaps my “Saturday dance song” will inspire you.  Or at least make you smile. =)

Here you go:

Here’s to ALL of us letting go more and more and living in the magic!

Blessings + Rock on!

Andrea

PS As a mom who’s helped heal her sons of autism + a Wellness Coach helping others do the same, I created a freebie audio to help you + your kids (with anxiety, social stuff, behavior stuff, etc…)

Here you go:

http://www.ihealedmysons.com/free-gift/